Arrived in Hue

hey. thats me in hue, the city where i have been placed. to be honest i am really struggling. its not at all what i expected...i have been taken off the baby orphan programme and i am teaching adults which is not at all what i signed up for. i can still go to the orphanages to help out in my free time but there are few babies in the ones in hue and its a different focus here. the accomodation is what is killing me most. i knew it would be bad but its totally beyond hardcore. i am sharing a room with a nice canadian girl but and our beds touch side by side it is so small (its just really hard having absolutely no privacy or space to get away from things). the walls are crumbling and shower facilities ect are just horrendous. i dont want to pull out at this stage as i would be so dissapointed in myself but the thought of a month of this is just not something i think i am going to be able to handle. i have eaten white rice and beansprouts and beans for the past three days...my body is beginning to starve. dave had to go to the shop topday at our break to get me a chocolate bar as i was about to faint. as far as the people go they are vnice, but i am feeling lonely and crowded all at the same time. (heather is 24 from canada, dave is 55 from aus and jill is 62 also from aus. a slightly weird mix...hanging out socially is a bit weird.)There are very few westerners here in hue so when you walk down the street (especially as a girl) people try and touch you and women literally throw their children at you. Every 2 minutes someone says 'hello' or 'how are you' or 'teach me english', the people are incredibly friendly. literally everyone is living in what i would consider to be poverty here. it is heartbreaking. many of the orphans in the Home of Affection and Hoa My orphanages are there because their parents cannot support them. they bring them to the gates of the orphanage and leave them. and they dont go back to visit them. ever. also, if a woman here re-marries then she may have to give up the children from her first marriage. the most shocking thing i have seen so far is in da nang where there is an orphanage where a couple of the children are chained up... there are only two women for 18 children. a couple have ADD and/or behavioural problems or mental illnesses and the 'mothers' in the orphanage cant control themn and also care for the other kids so they are forced to tie them up in a room. mr viet says that hopefully by next year we will have enough volunteers so that someone can work with these kids so they no longer have to be tied.i am finding this whole experience totally emotionally draining. i knew it would be hard but with the living situation so bad it is making the daytimes even hrarder. i came here to work with children and instead i feel i will be teaching adults how to pronounce words better. one of the girls in da nang already left and another was really upset today and i think she is going to go also. they dont tell you this part before you get here. the ones that love it are the kind of hippy traveller types who lie around alot and smoke and think its 'totally cool to experience this man'. i am really trying to take one day at a time and i really wanted to come here and spend time with the children and, but its not working out anything like that and this is just so hard. i will update you all in a few days. i take all my donations to the orphanage on monday where i understand they are desperate for clothes ect so i will make sure to take lots of photos and post them online. love and miss you all lots. victoria xxx